Satan's deceit / God's promises

You know what's easy to do? Give up. Doesn't take much effort. You know those moments when you feel like you're all alone? Where you see no point in trying because you'll fail just like all the times before? It's those moments where we're so weak, that we trick ourselves into believing that giving up has more rewards than trying. What is the thing that pushes us off the edge? I believe it's different for everyone. For me, it's failure. I blame myself for everything that goes wrong. Some of it is, in fact, my fault. But most of it isn't. It's a funny way of thinking that I'm in control of my life. That God played no part. He's just sitting up there like Abe Lincoln in his chair, shakin his head at me. It begins with a terrible view of myself, which conjures up lies and deceit in my heart. That people look at me, and cant help but automatically see what I see. Failure. Disappointment. So then adds to my spiral downward, thinking no one likes me. So I rid them of the burden of me. Cut myself off. Cast me out. I end up alone again with my false view of me, life, people, and God. Then I try again, but the lies and fear always seem to creep in. I dont want to continue on. I want to stop all this before the lies become solid truth in the depths of my mind. So I would like to start by laying out the lies that Satan has ensnared me with, then recounting them with the loving truths and promises that my God frees me with.....

Lie #1: God doesn't forgive me.

Truth #1:

- Acts 13:38 "Therefore let it be known to you, brethren that through Him forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you"
- Romans 8:1 "Therefore there is now no condemantion for those who are in Christ Jesus"

Lie #2: I'm alone.

Truth #2:

-Deuteronomy 31:6: "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."
-2 Corinthians 4:9: "persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"
-Psalm 16:10: "For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol; nor will you allow your HOLY ONE to undergo decay"

Lie #3: I can't take part in this Christian life because I am not good enough.

Truth #3:

-Romans 5:20: The Law came in so that the trangression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.
-2 Corinthians 12:9: "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'"
-Romans 3:23-24: "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are being justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"

I think the beginning of starting anew will be praying and asking God (who never leaves me!) to strengthen me and help me begin again. It will be quite tough to throw out those lies that have been instilled in me so deeply. But, I believe that living in accordance to Scripture is a good way to start! Learning more of Jesus, his character, his sovreignty, and his word will help me combat Satan's lies by Jesus' promises! What a great new project for me. Perhaps the most important one, thus far. Oh it will be so difficult, but I know that He is with me, and if I ask Him, he will live in me and through me. Oh to be more like him! That is the quest and purpose of my life. "Let me always be found on a mission about my Father's business!"..... Thanks guys,

Rach.

Actress

She's an actress. The world is her stage... literally. You wouldn't believe the drama she creates in her head. Sometimes fabricated truth, sometimes outright lies. She knows what the people want. Or at least she thinks she does. She does everything in her power to be what they want. She has three or four personalities perfected. She knows exactly how to get the attention of anyone. She perfects her facial expressions, where her eyes go, her body language. None of it is real. It's the perfect world that she's trying to create for everyone. And people keep falling for it, making her stronger and better at what she does. And people genuinely believe her. They do. But, they really dont even know who the 'real' her is. Funny thing is, neither does she. She's so good, that she has decieved even herself....... Do you know me? No, you don't.

Changes

So, things have changed quite a bit since last post. Not to put all my personal information on the internet. But, Jp and I recently decided to end things at least for the time being. The long distance thing was pretty hard. We're just trying to figure out what we're supposed to do with our lives before we bring another person in. Which is understandable, but still hard.

Surpisingly, I still have the same desires. I still want to go to California and be a part of their ministry. But I'm basically entirely confused :P I guess this is good. I can focus more on what I'm doing here. Which is really not what I want to do. But, it seems thats what I should be doing.

Haha, anyways. So college is a little better. First semester is almost over, which is really hard to believe. I like all the people Iv met. Iv made some new really awesome friends actually. I like being a light, if you know what i mean. It's really good for me to be an example of Jesus.

Anyways, I dont like this post very much. I'm sorry to bore you (nobody :P). I'm boring myself, so I'm gonna stop now. Till next tine.

-Rach

Work in Progress

Hey there. So college has been in play for awhile now. And I'm here to report. Let's talk positive feelings first:

I love school and classes! I've always loved learning, so that's no surprise. But yea, classes are interesting and fun. Except first aid and orientation. Could've standed to not be in those, but all is well anyway. I like all my teachers. Love love love my roommate! Her name is Wendy Kussmann. Yea, she's super cool :) Being independent is kindof a good experience.

Negative feelings:

Life feels pointless. I feel like being a part of something much bigger. I'm all alone, and I don't like it. I miss Jp. I miss my family (crazy as they are). I miss my friends at church. I miss my little neighborhood kids. I miss being a part of that kindof ministry. I feel like I'm not doing anything worthwhile. This doesn't feel right. Independence isn't all what it's cracked up to be. I wasn't meant for it.

Reality:

Every part of my life should be a ministry. So that's not really a completely valid point. I have now made it a point to go out of my way to talk about and live like Jesus in front of others (which is a much bigger deal than you think). My daily goal is to shine daily for the glory of the kingdom! Now, that makes me feel much better about being here. I realize that God has me here for Him. Even so, I still feel like doing more. I will not complain about being here for the time that God has me here for. But I do feel that God is calling me to more. More than getting a degree and getting a job. More than this..... ok, I'll come right out and say it. I want to get married and move to California with Jp. I really do. I won't deny that anymore. I want to be a part of that ministry. I love that ministry and those people already! My dilemma now is finding out what God wants. I'm working on this too. I've already found out what God wants me to do right now (Matthew 5:16) by studying His word and listening to the wisdom of a few of my fellow believers. So I figure the solution to this problem will need to come about the same way. God will give me an answer. I believe that. I am studying more and more. I want to know God just as well as I know myself. Maybe when that happens, my desires wont overshadow God's desire for me. Or just maybe, they'll be the same!!!

So right now, as it should have been about all along, life is not about college and whether I like it or not. The new topic is: What is the will of God for my life? Stay tuned.

Blah!

There's this word that I'm tired of hearing. College. There are so many questions about it running through my own mind. People are asking me about it. People are giving me advice about it. People are encouraging me about it. Then I keep telling myself to just stop worryin about it. But it's useless. Because that's all I can think about. No matter what I do, it's constantly on my mind. It's quite frustrating. It's not even worthwhile enough to be thinking about it so much like that. I mean, my goodness. I'm so tired of it. People keep expecting me to be excited about it. But how can I be excited about something, when I feel like I have to be? It just feels like something I'm supposed to do. I dont wanna meet new people. I'm happy with the people I know. I feel like I'm wasting my time. Id rather stay at home, go to my church, talk to my friends, not be too busy for my boyfriend, and be involved in my church neighborhood. Seems like I'm being so selfish. Like, "I'm gonna go live by myself, be independent, learn stuff for myself, so I can get a degree for myself, so I can get a job, and have money." I guess that kind of mentality is wrong, but it makes me so indifferent and apathetic about this whole thing. I guess I should be happy for the opportunity because so many other people dont have the opportunity. But I'd gladly give it to them! I know, I know. It sounds like I'm a spoiled brat. I dont mean to be. It's not that I want to be lazy. It's not that I dont want to learn or go through hard things. I just dont want to waste my time with something that seems so pointless. I don't feel like I'm gonna get much out of it like people say...... but, I dont know. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe I'll have awesome classes and I'll love them. Maybe my roomate will be cool. Maybe it'll be a nice experience. I dont know. Maybe I'll take back everything I just said. Many people I know would tell me that I'm going to do just that. That Im actually gonna "love it." Well, I'll keep "you" posted. Peace.