Project Live: Days 154-162

October 16, 2011

I listened to this song on repeat for hours after my Grandpa passed away last year.

I was thinking about him a lot on this day so I made this video.

October 17, 2011

um. this is a picture of my face. Too lazy to get up and turn the light on.



October 18, 2011

gave Anthony a photo shoot.... cuz I wuv him :)

October 19, 2011

From an earlier blog post.

October 20. 2011
nope.

October 21, 2011

bored in my professor's office (supposed to be making reeds :P )

then, later, I came across this little, decked-out bug :) (ridin home with Cj)

October 22, 2011
nah.


October 23, 2011

my impression of Princess Erika Rose. A bad impression, I'm guessing.

spooky sky :)

jamming in the car :)

The Bad Thing....

The bad thing about growing up in a church..... is everyone knows EVERYTHING. They watch your every move and "discuss" you're life decisions with others. That sounds really negative, but it's not always that way. I think a lot of the time, it's just because they care about you, and frankly, other people's lives almost always seem more exciting than our own. Good intentions, but, I still hate it. It especially doesn't help that I naturally assume people think negatively about me in the first place. Now, hold on, I know that the world doesn't revolve around me. And people aren't holding their breath, waiting to see what I do next. I know. But, I also know that people just naturally wonder about other people. Especially people they've watched grow up. They want to see them do well, and, cast an opinion on every event in the person's life. That's fine. It really is. It just makes me not want to go to church. That's horribly selfish, I know. But, I guess, I'm just tired of putting up this facade of being happy every time everyone knows I'm not. I despise that game. Maybe I should put this all out of my head, and stop trying to think for everyone. In fact, I know I should cut that out........ Whatever.

Untitled

Night time is really bad. I go for a couple days, then the sick feeling comes back as if there has been no improvement. Stop it. I want to act like I don't care, but it really is killing me everytime I see your name in my notifications. I know it's better to keep this light, and act like everything's fine and dandy, but I'm not ready. I want to be. I don't want to be so pathetic anymore, but I am.

I use this blog to write out my depressed thoughts. Partly, because I'm not stupid enough to do it on facebook, and, also, bc I'm too prideful to talk to anyone about how I'm still so affected. I don't want to admit any vulnerability. I think if I act strong and pretend like I'm fine, eventually I will be. But, if I give in and wallow in self-pity, then I'll never get out of this. It seems like ignoring it might be best.   It sure feels better.

Project Live: Days 144-154

October 5, 2011

part of a photo shoot April and I did downtown :)

October 6, 2011

some cool lookin drums in orchestra :)

havin fun editing an old picture :)

October 7, 2011

April took this, while driving, on our way out of Natty to Marshal. Great fun :)

October 8, 2011

April and Casey (my cousins) about to run a 5k that I chickened out of. (this picture was taken about
3.5 seconds after I fell off a curb and sprained my ankle. I was smiling and trying not to scream. A real champ.)

October 9, 2011

my friend and former roommate, Wendy, and her awesome friend, Jordan! Their birthdays are close together :)

October 10, 2011

calendar where we write back and forth to each other (me and cj). A Monte Python reference. This is why we're best friends.

October 11-13, 2011
Hey, shhh! I've done really well this round!

October 14, 2011

I thought this kid was such a cutie, I just had to take a picture. So, while his mother wasn't looking,
I peeked my phone around my arm and took a stalker picture. Shhh...

October 15, 2011

just sittin on the railing o the third floor. Someone kicked the poor guy off later.

our percussionists are so cute :)

My friend Stephen. I think he looks like Doofenshmirtz on Phineas and Ferb.... in a good way!

Woohoo! I'm almost up to date! Everybody cheer.

Stuff of today:

1) Looked at one guy in particular a little too frequently in my music theory class.

2) Did alright on my math quiz, and once again, alright on my music history test. Which i care about way more. obviously. (musicology professor is the end goal; i hate math)

3) cleaned a lot on my room and bathroom (bc my family was gonna come in here)

4) missed/forgot about ANOTHER rehearsal. But Bakenhus was cool about it :)

5)  got dressed in my vampiress attire *many pictures to come ..... Cj did my face paint, mom brought the boots and the cape!!! Woot :)

6) Everyone came to the concert !!!!!!  (except dad, but that's ok cuz he came to the last one) It was awesome and everyone looked soooo great!

7) Took half the paint and makeup off my face first..... obviously, so I could look like Mulan. I even took a squinty-eyed picture and sent it to my mom and brother. Yesh.  *pictures of this as well

8) Sitting here, feeling like I had a really outstanding day, for the first time in a while. I wasn't in yesterday or tomorrow. I really was HERE today. That's a good feeling.