Blah!

There's this word that I'm tired of hearing. College. There are so many questions about it running through my own mind. People are asking me about it. People are giving me advice about it. People are encouraging me about it. Then I keep telling myself to just stop worryin about it. But it's useless. Because that's all I can think about. No matter what I do, it's constantly on my mind. It's quite frustrating. It's not even worthwhile enough to be thinking about it so much like that. I mean, my goodness. I'm so tired of it. People keep expecting me to be excited about it. But how can I be excited about something, when I feel like I have to be? It just feels like something I'm supposed to do. I dont wanna meet new people. I'm happy with the people I know. I feel like I'm wasting my time. Id rather stay at home, go to my church, talk to my friends, not be too busy for my boyfriend, and be involved in my church neighborhood. Seems like I'm being so selfish. Like, "I'm gonna go live by myself, be independent, learn stuff for myself, so I can get a degree for myself, so I can get a job, and have money." I guess that kind of mentality is wrong, but it makes me so indifferent and apathetic about this whole thing. I guess I should be happy for the opportunity because so many other people dont have the opportunity. But I'd gladly give it to them! I know, I know. It sounds like I'm a spoiled brat. I dont mean to be. It's not that I want to be lazy. It's not that I dont want to learn or go through hard things. I just dont want to waste my time with something that seems so pointless. I don't feel like I'm gonna get much out of it like people say...... but, I dont know. Maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe I'll have awesome classes and I'll love them. Maybe my roomate will be cool. Maybe it'll be a nice experience. I dont know. Maybe I'll take back everything I just said. Many people I know would tell me that I'm going to do just that. That Im actually gonna "love it." Well, I'll keep "you" posted. Peace.