Turnin Tables

I can't keep up with your turning tables. Under your thumb, I can't breathe.

-Adele

Talking

Iv been talking a lot today (i know its only 11 a.m, but iv been up a while). Iv been talking to myself, talking to middle-school students, talking non-stop to one of my guy friends. It really is annoying, especially since I dont enjoy people who feel the need to fill up empty space with words. I dont like those types of people, yet I've been one of them today... ugh. It's not like I had anything important to say, I just constantly felt like I needed to keep talking to impress people. And I knew nobody cared, and would rather me stop, but here's me: BLAH BLAH BLAH...... unable to stop, like a robot. Grrrrr..... 

BUT!!!! I found out that today was only the last day to observe! I dont have to turn in my paperwork till later! And class was canceled! So now, I will feel all the stress and tension slip out of my neck and shoulders as I take a nap.... I have it sooooo good.

Love you all,
Rach <3

African drums and dancing, stress, and a little orchestra on the side

It's only Wednesday and I'm already stressed.... and it's all my fault! I didn't study very well for the math and theory tests that I had today. Had to be up almost all night last night going over EVERYTHING. Luckily, I got a 93 on my theory test.... still awaitng the math results (not so hopefull, im afraid). Also, I still have an hour and 40 minutes left of observing I have to get done before.... not before finals, not even next week..... TOMORROW!!! That means that I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow and go observe from 7:30-9:10, and make it to class on time. And have all my paperwork done. Then, to top it all off, finals start next week. And I have at least 4 HARD ones.... not happy with myself right now.....


On a brighter note!!!!!!   
We have fun at CAPA (Creative and Performing Arts). We relieve our stress by going free-style on bongos, congas, didgeridoos, rainsticks, and maraccas outside for no reason. Then we invite others to dance with us. We're music majors, what can we say? Exibit A:

One more thing, I have an orchestra concert tomorrow night. It's gonna be the bomb! Cant wait! Mom might come :) That's exciting, because I think she's the only one in my little circle who would actually enjoy it!
Anyway, be prayin for the irresponsible, stressed-out girl. And stay tuned.... ALL OF YOU! Hehe

The Click Five - Don't Let Me Go Official Video

Great video. Our poor, broken world. Oh, all you dear ones are all so dear to my heart. Just in case you missed it, help fight against trafficking and exploitation at mtvexit.org or other anti-trafficking organizations.

Dear Ana

I started writing in a journal for my sister, Ana, when my parents went to go get her in China. My mom thought it would be good for us to write about that time so she could read it later. Well, we all did, then I think everyone put the journal away after she got here. For some reason, I couldn't do that. I wanted to keep writing to her. Long story short, I'm still writing in this thing, and she's 8 yrs. old. I mostly use it now to write to her about lessons that I've learned in life. I tell her things that I wish I had known or remembered. I don't know when I'm going to give it to her yet. Just the right place at the right time. This is an entry that I wrote in one of the hardest times in my young life

 2/14/09
"Dear Ana,
Honey, when you're going through something hard, never forget to trust in God. You're gonna have it tough if you try to go it alone. He'll always be there for you. He loves you so much, and he'll always take care of you. God spent some time giving you your dark hair and eyes. He thought about your life, and planned everything. He knows where you'll be in 10 years, or tomorrow, or in the next 10 min. He loves you so much. Don't ever forget that. He also gave you people to help you. Your friends, parents, sisters :), and your brother. Whenever you're down, go to someone. Tell them your troubles. They're not gonna be burdened or annoyed. We're all here to help you. God put us in your life to help you. Be grateful for this stuff. Even in the midst of pain, remember everything He's done for you. I want you to live better than I do. I've made a mess of some things. And, hey, I'm not sayin I want you to be perfect, I just want you to try harder than I have. You'll mess up a bunch, and cry, and hurt, but in the end, I'm always here to listen to you, teach you, anything I can do for you! And God is the same way except a million times better! :) Never stray from Him, because He is an awesome God! You have a very good God.
-Rach"

How do you spell 'unnecessary?'

So.....

Someone needs to buy me one of these --->
They are soo ceeeute! I don't know how good of a pet it would be. But, wouldn't it be worth it just to get to look at that cute face everyday?
Idk...... I've had bunnies before......

Anyway, my mom went to my concert. And, for reason, she wanted me to tell everyone that she went and she LOVED it. <--- That may have something to do with my occasional mentionings that she plays walleyball instead of coming to my concerts.... ok, maybe more than "occasional." Haha, anyway, just so "y'all" know... SHE LOVED IT!!! ..........

They have "Kettle" seasoning for popcorn at the movies now. Of course, I am joyous. Of course, more than I should be..........

It's so funny how we put our favorite songs on our ipod, then end up hating them. We scroll through our ipod of favorite songs for songs that we actually want to listen to. Irony = Happiness. <--- (almost spelled that wrong) Bye!

This seems like a fairytale time. The girls were pretty, and the men were gentlemen. The cars were cool, and most everyone had manners. Just seems so incredible and lovely. Oh and btw, this was taken by Vivian Maier, posthumously discovered street photographer from the 40's through the 80's. She's absolutely amazing! Chech out her website with a bunch of other amazing pictures here

Grey Skies

Personally, I like dreary days. They're emotional, like sad songs. I mean minus the frizzy hair, and the cold, they're my favorite. As I walk to class, I watch all the people around me. The different elements of the weather bring out different emotions in me...... The rain makes me think of all the people around me. It makes me wonder if they secretly cried themselves to sleep the night before. I wonder if they're really, actually happy to wear that hood today. Finally, hiding from the world is socially acceptable.... The wind makes me think of the people who wish they could really get swept away. Or maybe they wish they could fly with the wind, and be freed from all their troubles, for maybe just a second...... Does the thunder give them a sense of empowerment? Or does it remind them of a voice of control that has their life in a vice grip? Do they wonder about God or a higher power?....... Does the lightning remind them of anger or violence? Maybe personal experience? Does it make them afraid or does it make them feel safe because its all they've ever known?...... I think darkness, sad songs, and rain bring out way more feeling than sunlight, spring time, and upbeat music. I'm not saying that it's good to be sad, upset, scared, alone, or heartbroken. I just think it's a lot more emotional. You're much more inward, and its much easier to be consumed by those feelings. Maybe because we're naturally negative as humans, or maybe because we take happiness for granted and feel we are entitled to it. Or maybe we're just dramatic. Whatever the reason, I find it much more interesting to dive into feelings and emotions like that. It's deeper and more real. I know that people aren't what they show. I know everyone has hidden away secrets. It's fun, and probably creepy, to try and figure them out, or imagine what they are. I dont mind myself being that way........ Oh, and also, why do people say, "grey skies?" Isn't there only one sky? It just stretches across the whole earth, right? Yea, I think about that too. Haha, bye.

Standards.... or the lack thereof.

Iv been writing a lot lately. Maybe because I finally have things to say. Or maybe I've always had things to say, just didn't regard them as important enough. That's kinda silly tho, because this is just a personal blog for my own gratification. Trying to please oneself is a weird concept. Why would anyone try to do that? I think the only time we need to 'approve' of ourselves is when we use other's standards to regard ourselves with. That's dumb, since we're all different. And what works for you, won't necessarily make sense to me. Like, I really like food, but some other people wouldn't ever admit to that because it's frowned upon. I like analyzing everything I say, so it seems like I'm talking to myself when I'm having a conversation with someone else, which I'm sure makes me seem schizophrenic. In fact, I love imagining Im schizophrenic, or blind, or deaf (which is near impossible to understand, since, I, in fact, can hear). I think most people would read this, and not wanna be friends with me. Then some others would "understand" and tell me I should just create my own standards. But, I dont know if I can do that, since there's not much 'new' out there. I would have the same standards as 'somone' out there. Maybe this is like almost everything else in life. One of those things that you have to find a balance for. Balance is a good word to describe my life.... hm, but thats for another blog another time. Haha, sometimes I get to the end of a post and forget what I'm talking about, so i can't wrap up nicely. This is one of those. As a 'writer', that troubles me. As a lazy college student who felt like going on and on, then leaving, it's ok. So yeah...

Tidbits

Things that annoy me:

1. prissy people and prissy places (like country clubs)


2. mouth noises (smacking, chewing, etc)


3. most popular music on the radio


4. fake people


5. haughty people


6. spending money


7. myself


8. most cats


9. reckless driving


10. flirts

Things that make me happy:

1. that little singing bird in the morning


2. my sister, Kristina's, uncontrollable, belly laugh


3. discussions/debates about theology


4. finishing a book in record time


5. irony (satire, especially)


6. GOOD movies


7. learning something new


8. watching acts of kindness being exchanged between perfect strangers (helping fix a car, cross the street, hold heavy packages)


9. children!!!!!!!


10. all different races, backgrounds, cultures, and personalities worshiping together!

..... just in case y'all thought I was this perfect Christian who doesn't understand real life :P I get irritated by stupid, little things too. But even tho its hard, I do love those kinds of people that annoy me to death. Haha, love y'all!

~Rach

Satan's deceit / God's promises

You know what's easy to do? Give up. Doesn't take much effort. You know those moments when you feel like you're all alone? Where you see no point in trying because you'll fail just like all the times before? It's those moments where we're so weak, that we trick ourselves into believing that giving up has more rewards than trying. What is the thing that pushes us off the edge? I believe it's different for everyone. For me, it's failure. I blame myself for everything that goes wrong. Some of it is, in fact, my fault. But most of it isn't. It's a funny way of thinking that I'm in control of my life. That God played no part. He's just sitting up there like Abe Lincoln in his chair, shakin his head at me. It begins with a terrible view of myself, which conjures up lies and deceit in my heart. That people look at me, and cant help but automatically see what I see. Failure. Disappointment. So then adds to my spiral downward, thinking no one likes me. So I rid them of the burden of me. Cut myself off. Cast me out. I end up alone again with my false view of me, life, people, and God. Then I try again, but the lies and fear always seem to creep in. I dont want to continue on. I want to stop all this before the lies become solid truth in the depths of my mind. So I would like to start by laying out the lies that Satan has ensnared me with, then recounting them with the loving truths and promises that my God frees me with.....

Lie #1: God doesn't forgive me.

Truth #1:

- Acts 13:38 "Therefore let it be known to you, brethren that through Him forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you"
- Romans 8:1 "Therefore there is now no condemantion for those who are in Christ Jesus"

Lie #2: I'm alone.

Truth #2:

-Deuteronomy 31:6: "Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the Lord your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."
-2 Corinthians 4:9: "persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed"
-Psalm 16:10: "For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol; nor will you allow your HOLY ONE to undergo decay"

Lie #3: I can't take part in this Christian life because I am not good enough.

Truth #3:

-Romans 5:20: The Law came in so that the trangression would increase; but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more.
-2 Corinthians 12:9: "And He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.'"
-Romans 3:23-24: "for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God, and are being justified by His grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus"

I think the beginning of starting anew will be praying and asking God (who never leaves me!) to strengthen me and help me begin again. It will be quite tough to throw out those lies that have been instilled in me so deeply. But, I believe that living in accordance to Scripture is a good way to start! Learning more of Jesus, his character, his sovreignty, and his word will help me combat Satan's lies by Jesus' promises! What a great new project for me. Perhaps the most important one, thus far. Oh it will be so difficult, but I know that He is with me, and if I ask Him, he will live in me and through me. Oh to be more like him! That is the quest and purpose of my life. "Let me always be found on a mission about my Father's business!"..... Thanks guys,

Rach.