To: You

The hardest person to love is the one that has hurt me the most. It wasn't the direct words and actions, but the subtle selfishness beneath every decision. The anger that made me scared of the world. The selfishness that made me accept a materialistic and gluttonous lifestyle. And, the disrespect that taught me to hate myself. The realization of all these things riled up anger, pain, hurt, and hate in my heart for you. My life feels like a lie sometimes. Like I've lost years to that lifestyle I learned from you. I feel betrayed because I trusted you the most. You taught me to trust you the most. Then you shattered my life.

Forgiveness may be the strongest act of love I have ever witnessed. It is the sacrifice of pride, entitlement, and sometimes, happiness. We, as sinful humans are almost built to avoid forgiveness and to take on pride. Not only are we built by it, we are taught to take it on every day we live in this world. 

True love is not "true love" from the movies. Love is taking my pride and my hurt, and considering it of no value compared to your happiness and your greater good. Love is taking the love Jesus had on the painful cross for us and giving it to you. I am broken and sinful. I cannot begin to describe the amount of Jesus in me it will take to love you. But, I will no longer be driven by hate. I will no longer shrug off feelings, in general, because feelings hurt. I confess that it's easy to hate you and the decisions you've made. It's easy to hate myself. 

I forgive you because Jesus loves me. Not because you deserve it and not because I'm a good person. The only love being showered on you through me is the love of Jesus. The most powerful love that I know will now be cast onto you. I am a vessel for the love of Jesus Christ. I am not here to judge, to blame, to hate. 

Jesus loves me. I can't think of a more beautiful promise. I can't think of a more beautiful gift than to allow His love to flow through me. I am made new because of him. He is the only thing holding my shattered pieces together. I don't need you or anyone to be something for me. I am whole again because of him. I pray for you because He was my Savior when I was lost. 

I live to proclaim His name to you and the world.