On to the next...

So I graduated from highschool today. I have mixed emotions when I think about being finished with highschool completely. I'm happy to get out of highschool with it's drama and immaturity. But I'm also kinda sad to leave that behind. It's not that I really like the drama and the stupid people. But that's all very familiar to me. You see, I'm not too big on change. But I've been to two graduations today and thats the favorite word of the day. I realize that I can't just sit around and be a bum for the rest of my life. That's not what I want to do anyway. But sometimes, I wish the expectations weren't so high. It's so easy to fail when your expectations are so high. They all say, "I just want you to do your best." But thats not all they want. They want me to excel and be better than other people. To acheive something great that they can brag about. (I'm not exactly sure who "they" is, but I have a good idea). Well, I want to do my best. But I want to be happy. And, unfortunately, for them, what I love most is not the great acheivement that they're hoping for. What I want to do seems mediocre to them. But I dont think so. What I feel led to is so important to me! I dont feel like its so insignificant. Even though, I wont make much money, I'll be very happy. Is that what really matters? I think so. If I'm persevering in the work that I believe God is calling me to, I dont think I need to be doing anything else. God has given me an interest in a certain area and it may not be the greatest job. But I feel like what I want to do is so important. I really dont believe that it's "taking the easy way out" as they say. Teaching children to have an open-mind and broaden their horizons through music is a great calling, I believe. Dont get me wrong, I dont think I'm some miracle-worker and I'm going to change every child's life. But why do I find it so important to simply be a friend to a child who doesn't have a friend. To be a mother, to a child who doesn't have one. And teach a child something they may have never learned in a regular classroom. I believe that music can benefit a life so much. I'm proof of that. I just want to share the joy of music that's in me. I want children to enjoy and appreciate music the way I do. Is that such a small and worthless endeavor?

True Service

"At the source of all Christian service in the world is the crucified and risen Lord who died to liberate us into such service." -Ronald English

There are a lot of people who help those in need. They give food and water to the hungry and thirsty. They start orphanages, adopt babies, donate money, etc. These things make differences in the world. Unfortunately, it is truly worthless without the gospel. These people are not sharing the gospel with the people they help. They might help them get along in the world. But what is the good in that? Do they not know that this world is passing away quickly? No, not many people do. Even the truest Christians forget that a lot. They care for the needy and that's all well and good. But what about their souls? What about the fact that they might not get into heaven? What is it going to matter if they were never hungry or thirsty on the earth, if they're standing at the gates of hell at the end of their life?

Also, what is it going to matter for us if we helped others, but never in the name of Jesus? We gave generously with love but never the gospel and the gift that lasts forever... Jesus (SOG). When we serve, it is not about us. The people should not look to us, they should look to Jesus. And we should not let them look at us. In everything we do, we should proclaim Jesus as our own Savior. If we really cared about these people, we would worry more about their souls than their bellies. We shouldn't make them appreciate us and this world, but God and the expansion of His kingdom! And when we do that, we should not even "feel good" about ourselves. We should only be praising and thanking God for the power of love he gave us. We should know that without Jesus we would be unable to show God's love. We would be unable to even be his servants without His help. Instead, we would be forced to live in our sin with no hope of salvation. Therefore, giving the same lack of hope to others. Nobody would be saved without Him.

True Christian service should only reflect Jesus Christ's sacrifice. In fact, it should only exist to draw attention to Christ. All other service is completely worthless.

Today Was A Fairytale

I woke up super early in the morning. I turned over to my left and saw my husband, still asleep. I turned over to my right, and saw my beautiful, 4 year old daughter, also sound asleep. Right before my husband and I had fallen asleep the night before, she had run in crying from a nightmare. So she had been allowed to sleep in her parent's bed which always kept her safe. With as little noise as possible, I crept out from the middle of the two of them and off the bed. I walked out of the bedroom, through the livingroom, and into the our small, cute kitchen. Toast with butter and jelly was my daughter's favorite breakfast meal (it was also cheap, so it was my favorite too). so I put some bread in the toaster. I started the coffee. (My husband and I used to be complete non coffee-drinkers. But years of working and raising a family had changed that.) I took the toast out and doctored it up the way she liked it. Luckily, my husband and I both liked it the same way. I placed all three of our meals of toast on the table for us. As I was pouring my daughter a glass of milk, my husband walked in carrying my daughter. I know that my husband is not a morning person, but he was smiling at my daughter and me anyway at 7 a.m. in the morning. She got down from her father's arms and and rushed to hug my legs and tell me good morning. I gave her a kiss on the forehead then placed her in her chair. As I was turning to pour our coffee, my husband caught my elbow and kissed me lightly and told me good morning as well. I gave him his mug of coffee and I grabbed mine and we sat down around my daughter at our small table. Then all three of us reached for each other's hands and my husband began to pray. My daughter's food hadn't been touched. She was young, but she knew the way things went for the most part. She knew to wait for daddy to pray. We finished praying and finished our breakfast. My husband went to the bedroom to get ready for work. My daughter and I got the plates together and put them in the sink. She loved being mommy's little helper. We continued cleaning the kitchen together until she realized that playing with her toys was more fun than being mommy's little helper. So I pressed on all by my lonesome. My husband came through the kitchen all ready to go. He gave me a kiss goodbye then went out the door. I shut and locked the door behind him, and watched him get in his car and drive away. I decided it was time to start on that project. I went to the basement and lugged out the big box. My daughter looked strangely at me when I brought some peices in the room. I began to assemble my project. It started looking better. And when my daughter realized what it was, she began squealing with delight. "Baby! Baby! Baby Boy! Baby! Baby! Baby Boy!," she sang as she danced around her small room that was about to get smaller. She continued to laugh and dance as I smiled and looked down at my overgrown belly with love....

Jesus Loves Me

I dont think I've ever had so much on my mind at one time. Every spare minute, I'm thinking, worrying, planning, etc. So many questions, and numbers running through my mind. So much to research, so much to consider. Should I choose a college based on money? Or academics? Or music? Or personal preferences? All of the above? Is all of the above attainable? If it is, where is it??? Whew! Anyways....

Right now I'm forcing myself to sit down and take this time to calm down. Taking deep breaths. Leaning back in my chair and typing fragments just I cause I can and I feel like it. Stop thinking. Stop it. You're still doing it... Haha, I dont know if I'll ever be able to stop worrying, but I should. I'm not saying I shouldn't be practical. But I've got to remember that I have an amazing God that is taking care of me. He has power and is sovreign over everything. Here are some better questions to be asking myself. Am I really allowing Jesus Christ to be Lord of my life? If I am, am I trusting in that lordship? Do I really believe that He is taking care of me in everything? Or am I like a Saducee who doesn't know the scriptures and doesn't understand the power of God? May it never be that I forget my God! Let me pray that I wont leave Him out of my life anymore!

Anyways, writing helps me clear out my thoughts and straighten out my mind a little bit. Hopefully, my mind wont need as much straightening out next time because I'll be trusting in God's sovreignty!!

Jesus loves me. This I know. Now live in the light of that fact!!