Hey there. So college has been in play for awhile now. And I'm here to report. Let's talk positive feelings first:
I love school and classes! I've always loved learning, so that's no surprise. But yea, classes are interesting and fun. Except first aid and orientation. Could've standed to not be in those, but all is well anyway. I like all my teachers. Love love love my roommate! Her name is Wendy Kussmann. Yea, she's super cool :) Being independent is kindof a good experience.
Negative feelings:
Life feels pointless. I feel like being a part of something much bigger. I'm all alone, and I don't like it. I miss Jp. I miss my family (crazy as they are). I miss my friends at church. I miss my little neighborhood kids. I miss being a part of that kindof ministry. I feel like I'm not doing anything worthwhile. This doesn't feel right. Independence isn't all what it's cracked up to be. I wasn't meant for it.
Reality:
Every part of my life should be a ministry. So that's not really a completely valid point. I have now made it a point to go out of my way to talk about and live like Jesus in front of others (which is a much bigger deal than you think). My daily goal is to shine daily for the glory of the kingdom! Now, that makes me feel much better about being here. I realize that God has me here for Him. Even so, I still feel like doing more. I will not complain about being here for the time that God has me here for. But I do feel that God is calling me to more. More than getting a degree and getting a job. More than this..... ok, I'll come right out and say it. I want to get married and move to California with Jp. I really do. I won't deny that anymore. I want to be a part of that ministry. I love that ministry and those people already! My dilemma now is finding out what God wants. I'm working on this too. I've already found out what God wants me to do right now (Matthew 5:16) by studying His word and listening to the wisdom of a few of my fellow believers. So I figure the solution to this problem will need to come about the same way. God will give me an answer. I believe that. I am studying more and more. I want to know God just as well as I know myself. Maybe when that happens, my desires wont overshadow God's desire for me. Or just maybe, they'll be the same!!!
So right now, as it should have been about all along, life is not about college and whether I like it or not. The new topic is: What is the will of God for my life? Stay tuned.
