Feelings... Who needs 'em?

You’ve probably heard, “It’s better to hurt, than to feel nothing at all,” or at least some variation of that. But, I’m wondering if it really is better. You see, I usually try to be “in-touch” with my feelings. If I’m happy, I’m happy. If I’m depressed, I’m depressed. I feel it out until I get to the next feeling, until my insides move on. But if someone asked me how I’m feeling right now, I’d say….. nothing. I’ve gone through a whirlwind of emotions over the last few months, but now, it seems like they’re over. It’s like, I’m tired, run-down. Like it’s not worth it to feel anymore. Maybe feeling takes too much work. Maybe it is better to feel nothing at all. Or maybe I’ve finally met a problem that wasn’t as easily solved as all the rest. It seems I must deal with whole new levels of maturity and adulthood. And my mind would like a break because it’s about to explode. Emotion overload perhaps.


April Palmer (a cool lady at my church) and I got to have a pretty good conversation the other day. We talked of my life really. College, scholarships, rommates, classes, musical instruments. We didn’t go so deep (since we don’t know each other too well, and we didn’t have that much time), but I found myself so joyous because of our conversation. It wasn’t that I was the main point of the conversation, but that I was having a conversation with someone that I didn’t know very well. That we were getting to know each other, and it was easy! She was interested in my life, and she had several stories to tell that related to my present situation in life. It was such great fun that I still cant stop thinking about it.

So, I suppose I’m not emotionless. Maybe just stronger (even). Stronger because I can choose when to feel and when not to. I can choose what’s worth thinking about, and what’s not. That could come back to bite me. Or it could be something like this… “

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.


Happiness is a hard concept to understand. I believe that I am not called, or entitled to, a life of happiness by the world’s standards. But, happiness, is also relative. If you are a Christian, then Jesus IS your happiness. So, in that case, I AM called to a life of happiness, because I AM called to live a life for Him. Jesus is my happiness, my life, my everything.