I'm back

I've been stressed and mean and difficult and irritated and freaking out about every little thing. But not anymore. Some of it has to do with the fact that something major just happened to me (not the best event). But most of it is because I feel like I'm finally right with God. I finally realized just how much I had lost focus of Him. I had so many idols that I was worshipping. So, last night I had a long talk with God.

I don't want to lose sight of Him ever again. I dont want to waste another second that could've been used to glorify Him. I'm so tired of dishonoring Him with my actions, my thoughts, my words, and my attitude. I have not been grateful for all that He's done for me. So, I don't want to keep passing up oppertunities to praise Him, to talk about Him, to serve Him. I want my entire life to be act of service to Him.

Because of the "event" I was feeling very alone. I felt like no one wanted to be there for me. I had no hope that I would ever be happy again. But, I really believe that was because I forgot about God. People don't want to hear about the fact that He's always there and you're never alone if you're His child. It sounds like a load of bullcrap that they just tell you to make you feel better. But, I'm telling you, I'm convinced that it's true. I've come to the conclusion that I either believe that or I don't. I either buy into the world's opinion that I just have to look out for #1 and come out on top, or I buy into the fact that God is my Heavenly Father, and He will do what good fathers do for their children, and that is take care of them, comfort them, and carry them through the pain. If I believe that, then I better act like it. If someone's opinion about what I "believe" causes me to waver, then I don't really believe it.

God is bigger than my sins, even than the habitual ones that I can't seem to shake. There have been people in my life who just stopped loving me, or saw things in me that they didn't like and walked away from me. There have been people who just stopped at my appearance. These people have turned me callous and bitter and just plain wary of people. but God has always been there for me. Even when I forgot about Him, and basically, didn't think He was worth living for, He stood by me and loved me. He knows me better than any of those people who walked away did, and He stayed. He saw my complete, true, ugly colors and never stopped loving me. If I really believe that, than my whole life should be act after act of gratitude to Him. He should be the only thing I find worth living for for the rest of my life. I mean that. It's a big deal, man. I'm making this decision, and with God's help, no one and no thing is going to stop me.