I want to know things instead of waiting till they happen. I like to worry a lot. I could talk about how that helps me get things done, or whatever. But, i know that it's NOT good. A very special person to me tries to help me with my insecurities. He tries to boost my confidence. I always end up discounting what he says by my reply or my actions still. This story is a little more complicated. But the problem right now, is me. I fear I don't believe what anyone says. I guess I think I know better, or I try to catch the hint of doubt in their voice or the glance of annoyance. It doesn't even matter if what they say is totally sincere, you can be sure, I'll find some reason why they dont mean what they say.
All that to say: I don't know what to do anymore. This attitude affects me in so many negative ways. It keeps me from seizing oppertunities. It keeps me from being independent, performing well musically, making friends, communicating. I've tried preaching to myself about God's truths. You know, the ones I talk about all the time? They don't seems to maintain their weight or importance in my brain for very long. It seems I've been taken over by negativity. And I'm so sad about it.
Some day we'll be able to understand perfectly that all that matters is what God thinks about us/sees in us. What does He think and what does He see? Jesus. In us. For real. If only we could understand better that man's opinion is as fleeting as his life is...but, God's opinion is everlasting, eternal, unchanging. May God help us more and more each day to let Jesus shine and believe that He is indeed in us.
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