Awful Post.

It's so shocking to realize that there are some problems that can't be solved. It's also shocking to encounter such a problem that you have to figure out how you feel about it first. It's that complex, that hurtful, that mind-blowingly confusing.

Baggage has been added on folks. I already had insecurities about my appearance, my social abilities. I already have no confidence. And now I have trust issues. Now, I don't know how I can believe anything anyone says again. When you're so blind-sided by the hurt caused by someone you thought loved you, it changes everything. I feel like an idiot. I feel like I've been so naive, and gullible, easily lied to, easily betrayed.

I know that you guys don't know what the hell I'm talking about. But I want you to know that I have just taken the biggest, most hurtful, most life-changing offense I have ever taken in my life. Everyone keeps wondering what has happened to our all-smiles Rachel. She's overcome with grief, and anger, and sadness, and, God help her, bitterness.

It's going to take weeks, maybe months to deal with this. I just want to leave. I'd like to escape for awhile. Become a new person for a year or so. Wish it was that easy. Instead, I will live in the ugly face of my anguish and tears. So depressing. Sorry guys. I can't think straight. I've been dealing with this for a week now, and I'm still reeling.