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Night time is really bad. I go for a couple days, then the sick feeling comes back as if there has been no improvement. Stop it. I want to act like I don't care, but it really is killing me everytime I see your name in my notifications. I know it's better to keep this light, and act like everything's fine and dandy, but I'm not ready. I want to be. I don't want to be so pathetic anymore, but I am.

I use this blog to write out my depressed thoughts. Partly, because I'm not stupid enough to do it on facebook, and, also, bc I'm too prideful to talk to anyone about how I'm still so affected. I don't want to admit any vulnerability. I think if I act strong and pretend like I'm fine, eventually I will be. But, if I give in and wallow in self-pity, then I'll never get out of this. It seems like ignoring it might be best.   It sure feels better.